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Your Employee’s Behavior Changed. Did You Ask Why?
Managing the behavior is the easy part. Understanding the person is what actually changes the outcome.
The Instinct Check
“They know they’re underperforming.”
A manager wants to move to formal corrective action. The employee has never been told anything formal. But apparently, they know.
The situation
A manager tells you an employee has been underperforming for months and wants to move to formal corrective action. You ask what feedback the employee has received.
The manager says: “Nothing formal. But they know.”
Let’s check that instinct.
What are you noticing?
- “Months” of underperformance, and nothing formal has been said in all that time.
- “They know” is the manager’s belief about what the employee understands. It isn’t evidence that they do.
- The manager wants to jump straight to a formal step. Something is driving that urgency, and it’s worth knowing what.
- So far, nobody has said anything about the person. What changed? What would they say is going on?
- Hints, sighs, and side comments often feel like feedback to the person giving them. They rarely land that way.
Ask one more question
If I asked the employee today what’s expected of them and how they’re doing, what would they say?
The Instinct Check
- Notice“They know” is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Notice how much of the case rests on it.
- QuestionAsk what was said, when, and how. Specific words and moments, not general impressions.
- UnderstandZoom in on the employee: has anything changed for them? Then zoom out: were the expectations ever clear in the first place?
- DecideDecide whether the real next step is formal action, or a clear, direct conversation that hasn’t happened yet.
- ActHelp the manager name the expectation, the gap, and what happens next, in words the employee can’t misread.
Adapt your instinct
- If you are naturally direct
- Directness is useful. Interrogating the manager isn’t. Lead with “help me understand” before you get to “you can’t do that.”
- If you tend to keep the peace
- Supporting the manager is useful. Agreeing to a step you’re not comfortable with isn’t. You can be on their side and still say “not yet.”
- If the manager processes by talking it through
- Let them tell the whole story first. The gaps usually show up on their own once they start walking you through what was actually said.
What I’d do
The second I hear “they know,” my Spidey-sense starts tingling.
Maybe they do. But I am not willing to build a performance decision around maybe.
This is where I want to slow the manager down a little. Walk me through it. What exactly happened? What was the expectation? What feedback have you actually given them?
Usually, one of a few things comes out. The manager has been dropping hints. They mentioned it once, in passing, in the middle of something else. Or they’ve been frustrated for so long that it feels like they’ve said it a hundred times. Mostly in their own head.
None of that makes them a bad manager. Hard conversations are hard, and most of us put them off. But it does mean the employee might be about to be surprised by something everyone else thinks is obvious.
So here’s where I’d push back: before we talk about formal steps, let’s make sure there’s been a clear conversation. What’s the expectation? Where’s the gap? What does good look like, and by when? If the manager can’t say it to me in two sentences, the employee probably hasn’t heard it in two sentences either.
I’d also ask about the person. Did they used to do this well? Has something changed? Curiosity doesn’t remove accountability. It makes it better informed.
If it does need to move to formal action, that’s when you bring in whoever owns that process where you work, HR, and legal where appropriate, so it’s fair and consistent. After the conversation, not instead of it.
The Good Instinct
“They know” is not the same as “I told them.”
Next step
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Conversation Prep
You have a conversation coming and you know what you need to address. You’re less sure how to say it. This one-page prep sheet helps you get clear before you walk into the room.
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